Quote Tag

I want to be all used up when I die.

If I had the use of my body, I would throw it out the window.

Someone called all the newspapers in New York and told them I’d died. I’ve been told by almost everyone it was an ex-wife – I’ve had a few so it’s hard to pinpoint which one – but who knows for sure?

Death and life have their determined appointments; riches and honors depend upon heaven.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.