Quote Tag

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

I never thought I’d land in pictures with a face like mine.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

I know one husband and wife who, whatever the official reasons given to the court for the break up of their marriage, were really divorced because the husband believed that nobody ought to read while he was talking and the wife that nobody ought to talk while she was reading.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

I’m not going to sit on the porch of the old anchorman’s home with a drool cup.