Author Profession

We’ve discovered that the less we do, the more money we make.

Profession : Comedian

I didn’t come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.

Profession : Comedian

I always loved comedy but I didn’t start formally until I was in college.

Profession : Comedian

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.

Profession : Comedian

Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.

Profession : Comedian

Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers.

Profession : Comedian

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Profession : Comedian

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

Profession : Comedian

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words ‘Monty Python’ to me. It’s not bad.

Profession : Comedian

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.

Profession : Comedian