Author Name

The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Author : George Carlin

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

Author : George Carlin

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.

Author : George Carlin

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.

Author : George Carlin

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Author : George Carlin

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Author : George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

Author : George Carlin

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Author : George Carlin

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Author : George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Author : George Carlin