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My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

The good die young, because they see it’s no use living if you have got to be good.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

I think the greatest thing is that you just keep growing and changing, and I hope to be growing and changing all the time.